Dating in Germany as a Pakistani guy? Let’s just say it’s been a wild experience.
When I first came to Berlin for my master’s, I didn’t really think much about dating. I thought I would focus on my studies, make some friends and settle in. But of course, living in Europe, the topic comes up sooner or later, no matter what. My German classmates talk about Tinder dates, casual relationships, and “getting to know people” in a very different way from back home. I realised very quickly that the dating “rules” I grew up with don’t apply here.
For one, Germans are straightforward. If they like you, they’ll tell you. If they dont, they’ll let you know that as well. No guessing, no games. I actually appreciate that; it’s refreshing compared to the vague texting culture I was used to back home. But making the first move as a brown guy in Europe? That’s where things get tricky.
Very soon, you start noticing little things. On the dating apps, your matches are very few and minimal. Sometimes, people dont swipe right just because of your name and skin tone. Other times, the conversation starter is “Where are you really from?”. And they always think that my parents are super conservative, and they’re constantly pressuring me to look at arranged marriage matches, which is an awkward conversation explaining it’s not true.
When dates do happen, it’s a mix of funny and eye-opening moments. I once had to explain why I don’t drink alcohol. Another time, my date asked me why Pakistani weddings have “so many days” I ended up showing her mehndi dance videos on YouTube over coffee.
But it’s been worth it. Dating here has taught me so much about communication, respecting differences, embracing flaws and being confident in who I am, a Pakistani Muslim living here trying to figure out this country to make it my home for some time.
But if you ask me if I miss the old-school romance of chai dates and long phone calls sneaked in from parents? Yes, sometimes I do. But for now, I’m learning, adapting and laughing through the awkward moments. And who knows, maybe love is just one more German bureaucracy form away.