One of my close friends here in Germany is an Indian guy from Chennai. I met him in German class, and we clicked instantly. And over the past year, we have been helping each other navigate language barriers, part-time jobs and the occasional homesickness. But lately, there’s a new topic on his mind: Marriage. Back home in India, his parents have started to look for a bride for him, and like many young Indians studying abroad, he is trying to balance lectures and job applications along with browsing matrimony websites. I had heard about arranged marriages before, but seeing it unfold up close has been fascinating and scary.
He showed me the site; it was something like mudaliyarkannalam.com, which focused on his caste and community. The profiles are a lot like resumes: there are names, heights, weights, skin tones, education, family history, work, etc.; it’s basically half LinkedIn and half dating apps, but with parents being heavily involved in the whole process.
Some nights, while I’m coding or writing an essay, he’s scrolling through profiles on his laptop, muttering things like, “Too far from Chennai,” “She’s a doctor my mom will like this,” “Caste doesn’t match.” Then comes the video calls with his parents, where they debate each candidate in detail. It’s a whole family project.
What strikes me is how practical the whole thing seems. No swiping, no guessing if someone is curious. It’s a marriage first, romance later kind of policy here. And despite growing up with very different ideas about dating, I kind of see the logic in it.
We have joked about it, too; he calls me his “marriage consultant” now. Often asks me, “dont you think this profile photo looks too formal?”. I tell him honestly, “Maybe try smiling a bit more.” At the beginning of it, I thought he’d be stressed out with the whole thing, but now I see it’s gotten into him. While I’m still figuring out my future here; job, visa, maybe love somewhere along the way—he has this clear sense of purpose: build a life, get married, make his family proud.
It’s exciting how two very different paths of adulthood play out side by side. And maybe very soon, I’m going to india to attend his wedding, all thanks to mudaliyarkannalam.com.